Express Scripts and the Land of Tron

From Duane Tron, February 13, 2008
Subject: Re: Expressly the Land of Tron!

Dear Active & Retired Educators,

In the "Land of Tron" I have met the enemy of sanity and normalcy and they aren't mine yet! Expressly stated, I am in awe at the level of incompetence that we encounter, endure, and tolerate all in the name of being expressly older. The express purpose of this e-mail is to apprise you of the adventures I have encountered with our new PBM provider, "Express Scripts." As I told many prior to the change from Caremark, be careful what you wish for as we might get it. It? It? It is expressly here and "IT" is called Express Scripts.

For starters there isn't anything express about Express Scripts. When I sent my first prescription for my essential and life sustaining blood pressure medication, "The Land of Tron" expressly encountered the enemy to health and mental well-being for the first time, Express Scripts. To try and explain the horror story I encountered is too lengthy and difficult to expressly and fully explain here. Suffice to say I paid for a 15 day prescription of my blood pressure medication at a cost of $33.29 for 15 pills to get me through until Express Scripts which is anything but express sent me my refills.

I expressly contacted Express Scripts to try and find a remedy for the confusion and mess that I found myself mired down in. I wisely contacted Dennis Leone and he went to work for me and as my 15 day supply was running out my essential medications arrived. The intervention by the fine support staff at STRS came to the rescue. Between Dennis and Brenda Foster, at STRS, they worked to get the derailed Express Scripts train back on the tracks.

This morning a gentleman named, Phil, called from Express Scripts to inform me that he had contacted CVS and I could go and receive a full refund for the 15 pills I paid $33.29 for during the Express Scripts lack of express deliverance of my essential medications. I was flattered that they were going to pay CVS so I could receive a full refund since an Express associate told me they couldn't pay for the 15 pills as they had already started filling my prescription, which incidentally didn't arrive for almost two weeks. Mr. Phil, pardon the pun, informed me they couldn't quite figure out where my prescriptions had been for weeks. He asked me if everything was all right and I told him, "Yes!"

Of course that was expressly before I received the mail with my next prescription which I had to pick up at the post office. I told everyone involved that things were fine and we had it all worked out. I expressly over spoke. You see when I opened the package containing my nasal spray I embarked on my next Express Scripts adventure. Did they send me the correct medication? Yes! Do the medication bottles provide the correct name? Yes! Ah! Then I looked at the statement and it was billed to someone I don't even know and listed the last four digits of my Visa card number on the statement. If any of you know a Stephen Linebaugh please notify him that he probably has my statement with the last four digits of his credit card number on my bill as I have his statement with the last four digits of my credit card on his statement. Only in the "Land of Tron." In addition, The billing statement has his Member ID # so his statement probably contains my Member ID #.

Folks, if you want an adventure please feel free to follow me in this newest adventure from the "Land of Tron." This puppy is going to get really interesting! Dennis I know you're reading this and I will call Brenda the first thing in the morning and let her know what happened this time. I expressly started to get really angry and then I thought, "this is so bizarre that it is becoming funny. It's like a bad express script from a lousy B-movie."

I think they are expressly trying to provide so much unnecessary stress in my daily life as to place my physical well-being on the express track to the next life. I think this might be a well thought out program to reduce PBM expenditures and expressly create greater profits. I'm sitting here looking at this bill with the express thought that Express Scripts isn't express in anything. They aren't on the express track in much of anything as far as I'm concerned. Upon looking at this mess I expressly REFUSE to die! I intend to be around for the express purpose of making their lives as miserable as they seem to be trying to make mine. This is expressly a promise. The scary part in all of this? I don't think they're doing any of this on purpose and that makes things expressly more scary! My best advice to all is make sure and check each and every prescription you receive and double check the bills and everything. If you want to live an abundant and quality life in your older years I expressly suggest you expressly and carefully check each and every prescription you receive from Express Scripts.

Folks, please understand that this is all too bizarre to expressly try and make up. If you know Stephen Linebaugh please ask him to contact me as he might not realize what has happened. I am actually sitting here laughing right now! The next time someone raises the question as to why so many Americans expressly experience hypertension just refer them to this correspondence and let them read it. It will answer any silly questions that people might expressly pose regarding the high number of people expressly experiencing hypertension.

Sincerely & Expressly Yours,

Duane E. Tron, CCR