Top 10 Reasons For STRS Retirees To Get a Job

From Rich DeColibus, October 20, 2009

Retired but thinking about getting back into the job market? Here are 10 reasons you should!

10. Your favorite soap opera is being canceled, and the time slot is going to a reality show showing STRS investment counselors sitting at computers and trading billions and billions of your dollars in real time full color high-definition TV. The resolution is wonderful but seeing all that red ink flowing like Niagara Falls is bad for your blood pressure.

9. You just got notice from Social Security that your Social Security payments that you have been anxiously awaiting for eight years are going to be reduced by two-thirds because you are already drawing a fabulous pension from STRS. You know it's fabulous because STRS tells you so, along with a note to, "Enjoy it while it lasts (snicker)!"

8. STRS has notified you that, because the bonuses for the investment counselors has now exceeded the cost of the STRS health care plan, the health care premiums will immediately triple. If your premiums exceed your pension, STRS is committed to work cooperatively with you, as long as you sign the deed to your house over and move out within thirty days. The house will not be resold, it'll be used to provide rent-free accommodations for ICs and their families.

7. The state government says, "Not to worry, we're watching your pension systems very carefully." This, from the same people who can't even execute murderers without multiple tries. Any nurse who worked in an ER for a week could solve the problem of finding veins in twenty seconds.

6. Your son, his wife, and six kids are moving in because he lost his job; also, your daughter, her husband, and their three kids, are also moving in because they both lost their jobs. You don't really care about the job, you just want out of the house.

5. When the stimulus money runs out, Ohio will lose 12,000 jobs overnight; therefore, the early bird gets the best job, and you better go for it before there's twenty birds for each worm.

4. STRS has announced a slight change in the benefit package for active and retired members. Each year of service is now redefined as 290 days of continuous service; any interruption of the contiguous days (should you, for example, use a sick day) eliminates the year of service; weekends continue to be exempt, but not traditional holidays such as Easter or Christmas. The new compensation rate is now ¼% of FAS for each year of service.

3. STRS continues to pursue the now-untenable goal of promising benefits based on 8% returns from investments. The investment market has changed forever with asset classes largely coupled in tandem, and sustained 8% gains are impossible for anyone but Bernie Madoff. One suspects the active membership, like new investors in Bernie's Ponzi scheme, will eventually catch on and resist giving more and more in salary for less and less in benefits. Insolvency is inevitable.

2. STRS refuses to acknowledge the fact over the last ten years if it had simply eliminated the investment department and bought government bonds, it would be roughly thirty billion dollars better off. Since it rarely lets facts impact decision-making, insolvency is inevitable.

1. STRS insists on retaining its antiquated investment counselor bonus structure, ensuring investment counselors will continue to make high yield, high risk "If it goes up, we win; if it goes down, you lose" investments, thus ensuring the next market correction is another fiscal disaster. Insolvency is doubly-inevitable.