Robin Beebe and Santa to STRS board December 12, 2024: "Happy 3% COLA to all retirees and Don't Give Up the Good Fight!"

From Robin Beebe

December 13, 2024

My name is Robin Beebe. Retired teacher of mainly 4th Graders and Kindergarteners, a smattering of other elementary grades, and eight summers of Migrant Education. 35 years. Fremont City Schools and Perrysburg Schools. Retired for 15 years. Please start the 3 minute timer now. 

Well, it's December. Christmas is approaching. It is a magical time. It is a time of wonder.

My apologies to Clement C. Moore. 

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the STRS Taj,

Not a creature was stirring, not even in the pavered parking garage.

The stockings were hung by the waterfall with care,

In hopes that our 3% COLA soon would be there.

The retirees were nestled all snug in their chairs,

While visions of restored 3% COLA's danced away their cares.

And mama with her teacher face, and I in disbelief,

Had just settled our brains down for some long sought relief!

When out on the STRS heated sidewalks there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from behind the infamous divisive glass wall to check the Mess at STRS and see who was getting fatter.

Instead, it was a little old driver, so lively and Boss,

I knew in a moment, it was FIDUCIARY CLAUS!!!!

He whistled and shouted and called them out by name.

On and begone, Hedge Funds and Alternative Investments!

On and begone, Out of State Real Estate Holdings!

On and begone, Spying and Propagandizing Department of 

MIS-Communications!

On and begone, Political Dark Monies!

Out and away, Exhorbitant Excessive STRS Staff and Salaries!

Out and away, Cafeteria Operating in the RED!

Out and away, Performance Based Incentives, i.e., BONUSES!

Out and away, All Greedy Grifting and Corruption!

To the top of the STRS Pension with Fiduciary Duty,

To the top of the STRS Pension with Honesty and Integrity,

Now fly away, speed away with total Transparency.

As I drew in my head,and was turning around,

Down the elevator FIDUCIARY CLAUS came with a bound.

He spoke a "Bah Humbug" and went straight to his work.

He fixed ALL the STRS Messes and turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

With a smiling nod to all the teachers he knows, 

POOF!!!! went all the STRS corruption -

Away it ALL goes!!!

FIDUCIARY CLAUS sprang to his sleigh and whistled for the crash gate to be lifted.

And away FIDUCIARY CLAUS flew, the champion of all teachers he just gifted.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy 3% COLA to all retirees and Don't Give Up the Good Fight!"

(Ring Jingle Bell.)