Photograph of Secret Facility Revealed!

Columbus (AP) - Planning continues on the secret new State Teachers Retirement System maximum security facility in an undisclosed location somewhere in the United States.

"Yes," indicated STRS spokesperson I.M. Leech, "we were quite concerned about being stormed and overtaken by radial terrorist retired teachers. Therefore, for the safety of our valuable and irreplaceable employees, for whom no expense is too great, we will not reveal its location. Suffice to say, with the massive walls, along with the electrified fence, attack Dobermans in the kill-zone, machine gun emplacements, mine field, and homicidal guards, we feel we can ensure no STRS employee or board member need fear being seen or spoken to by a retiree."

The cost of the new facility remains a closely guarded secret.

"As is obvious," continued Mr. Leech, "any disclosure of our finances by any means compromises our security and will embolden terrorist elements. Therefore, and into the future, all further requests for any kind of financial disclosure will be rejected." Rumors of extensive purchases of artwork and sculptures for the new facility could not be confirmed.