Thursday, December 24, 2009

The original 'Night Before STRS Christmas' 2003 Edition...some things just don't change, do they?

Night Before STRS Christmas
“Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the STRS house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care;
In hopes that more bonuses soon would be there;
The board members were all nestled snug in their beds,
While vis
ions of more entitlements danced in their heads;
And Betty in her ‘kerchief, and Jimmy in his cap,

Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Jimmy sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window h
e flew like a flash,
re open the shutters while stumbling over cash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave luster of mid-day to the “bennies” below,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature bank account, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Gov. Dick.
More rapid than eagles his spenders they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
‘Now Michael! Now, Jackie! Now Debbie and Gene!
On, Joey! On Hazel!, on Herbie and Stephen!

Now spend away! Spend away! Spend away all!
As plastic cr
edit cards that before the wild investigation fly,
When they meet with a question, maybe they lie;
So up to the Palace (95 mil.) the spenders they flew,
With a bank account of full of money, and Gov. Dick, too.
And then, in a twinkling, he heard on the roof
The spending and traveling of each little goof.

As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Gov. Dick came with a bound,
He was dressed in OEA garb, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all garnished with airline tickets and soot.
A bundle of be
nnies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a bureaucrat, all dressed in his black.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His vetoes how merry!
His promises were like hollow, any investigation he would bury!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
His control over the ethics commission we’ll all never know!
The stump of a subpoena he held in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a poker face and a little round belly,
That shook when he governed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, all clever and shrewd,
And just removed enough to stay away from the feud.
A wink in his eye and the ink in his pen,
Would insure that the retirees plight wouldn’t end.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He controlled his legislative puppets, just like a jerk,
He sprang to his sleigh, to his cronies he gave a whistle,
And they all flew away like down on a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“I’ve got to stop in San Francisco before the end of the night.

Merry Christmas retirees, I love you!-And-Happy New Year!”

Go here to view past versions of this piece:
Larry KehresMount Union Collge
Division III
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